Friends!! As my time in Georgia comes to a close, id like to sit back and reflect on all that the Lord did in my life. I've found that one of the best ways of remembering my old self is to look back into the early notes in the notes app on my phone. Whenever I was feeling some type of way or learning something new, I'd pull out my phone and jot it down. So here's a peak into those sweet, hard, character-building notes & memories. 

month 1: 

"i just had a small mental breakdown and some thoughts ran through my mind like: 

• this is my life now
• i'm not equipped for this
• i miss my brother & sisters 
• i miss my comfort 
• am i really made for this? 
• i want to go home" 

context: i remember writing this down on the first night of a storm & we were told to pack up our stuff & move inside. i literally started to cry. 

what i learned from that: 

plans will always be changing (especially on the race), but what doesn't change is Gods authority & His heart for us. Seasons change, He does not. I can stand on the foundation of Gods truth when the circumstances are good and when they're bad. 

what i'd say to her now: it's okay to cry! you will cry and feel emotions a whole lot (like a wholeeeee lot!!!) so don't be ashamed of them. Pursue God & His steadfastness in this. This isn't just a fleeting moment of pain, but it is something that will teach you so much these next 3 months. Rely on God to be your rock. Because He is steady you will be too. 

month 2: 

"that will never get old: 

kate telling ms linda about noah & coins & the promises that God fulfills. & ms linda confirming that it's a sign from heaven. chainsaw excitement & roofing & pulling branches can get old. but that'll never get old. it's hella worth it. the sleeping pads on hard floors & cold showers & missing home & feedback & sore feet & tired eyes can suck. but to witness just one of those moments is worth it over & over & over again. thanks God for this revelation." 

context: we were doing disaster relief in LA and my mentor Kate found a penny on the ground and explained to Ms Linda (the homeowner) how coins remind her of Gods promises & beauty after a storm. Ms Linda said she knew it was a sign from heaven that her home & her family would be okay. 

what i learned: This was proof that the God of stories in the bible and the ones i hear from others is real & good & close to me. The man who told Noah to build an ark & protected him & his family, is here with me.  He cares for the homes & the people in it & the coins on the street that we find. He cares for what you do and what you learn too. He is real and He is good. 

what id say to her now: Marissa, let this be your why. Don't let the petty circumstances distract you from the goodness & the fullness of God. Look for light on the days where you're sweating on a roof in Louisiana for 4 hours. And on the days when you want to pack it all up, throw in the towel & go home, remember this. Remember the light you just saw & keep going to pursue it. It's worth it! He is worth it. 

month 3: God i'm supposed to write and share my testimony next monday, so i'm preparing for it now. and all i feel is shame. shame about the girl i was, the kind of daughter i was. the kind of person i was. God, let me walk in no shame, no fear, no disappointment. Not seeing myself as helpless or alone or not enough.

what i learned: To live royalty is to live in humility. I didn't save myself from the past. I was merely loved by God & recognized it. I can now walk in freedom before me & behind me, not because of what I did but what He did. I can live in the freedom that the blood of Christ has bought for me, by seeking out people who are still chained. 

what i'd say to her now:  Defeat the lies in your mind with the truth of God. Your story & how He brought you from death to life matters. Stop carrying shame that was never yours to carry & walk in freedom!! You are a daughter & no thing can take that away. 

These 3 months have been really really really good to me. I've unlearned & learned & have picked up my cross & have laid down my worries & have loved & been loved. I wouldn't trade them for anything <33

see you in the new year! 

lots of love, 

-M