fixed on Jesus; how the race changed my life

hi hello! it’s time for that blog. for so long i procrastinated writing this because sometimes my mind is like “oh yeah the race is coming to an end, i’m gonna go cry now” and other times i’m like “i literally don’t know what it’s like to not smell mold 24/7” & “will this ever end?”. 

before the race my relationship with Jesus was a priority, but it wasn’t my ultimate goal. building His Kingdom was on the back burner of building my own kingdom. 

then on september 2, 2020 i embarked on a journey that would bring every single brick i thought i had built, crumbling down. 

after tasting & seeing the goodness of God there’s no way i could go back to what i thought was good. on my race i was freed from the chains of doubt in my mind, i saw my friends healed, & i grew stronger in my identity as one who is beloved by God. i witnessed miracles, sang songs of deliverance & saw the outcome of true obedience to the Father.  I know His voice, His promises, His will, His face, His heart for people, His freedom, His glory & majesty. 

& now that i’ve witnessed all these things, i can never be the same. 

sometimes i’ve wanted to quit & go home. to call my mama and say i’m done. to pack up my tent in my little green pack. to turn around and say no to the hard work that is kingdom life. i’ve wanted to scream & cry & run & hide. i’ve wanted to walk away. 

yet ever single time that i’ve wanted to walk away, the Father’s still & deep voice beckons me back to Him. & when i’m reminded of who God is & what He has done, i can’t help but run after it with every single fiber in my being. 

i think that hebrews 12:1-2 really embodies this feeling – 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

 this race i’m running won’t stop once i step off that plane in columbia sc. i will keep going after God in a holy pursuit. and even when it gets hard and i want to give up again, i’ll remember that my reputation, comforts & possessions are worthless in comparison to knowing God. 

so here i am, running my race. 

thank you to those in leadership who have said Yes to the Lord in shepherding me & urging me to keep going. I want to be like you all when I grow up :))

to my gap c, 

24 people who are so radically in love with God that nothing will stop them from keeping eye contact with Jesus.

cheers to sisters 

& brothers 

& sweet communion 

& uncontrollable tears 

& late night whispers 

& dance party screams

& every second around the table 

& the beginning 

& the end. 

& the blood of Jesus that holds it all together. 

keep running. keep going. He’s worth it. 

all my love, 

• M