But the other night as my sqaud gathered around for our thanksgiving meal, the Lord prompted me to read this scripture from Hebrews 10:32-25 

"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.”

This scripture encapsulates everything that i've learned from this season. The sacrifice of all of these things are so hard, but they're so worth it. I have the privilege of giving these things up for a greater, fuller, sweeter life with the Lord. 

I got to watch 20 of my friends publicly commit their lives to the Lord on the shores of Jaco beach. Heaven is rejoicing. I got to drop the walls & cry in front of my leadership team about my hardships, and listened as they held me & spoke truth over me. I got to watch my team call each other out when they weren't walking like Jesus, ask for forgiveness from each other, say i love you & mean it (proud mom moment). I got to watch them fight for their hearts well & set up boundaries to protect them. I got to meet moms & dads from all over; like our SP leader Roger, a homeowner mama who prayed over me & our ministry host who gives really good hugs. I've had purple, pink, blonde & brown hair and have watched four people shave their heads out of obedience to the Lord. I've had my faith stirred, held a heart SO FULL of gratitude & have been the physical hands & feet of Jesus. 

Most importantly i've drawn nearer to the God of this universe. The One who forms the constellations & creates the clouds daily (LOOK UP CAUSE THEY'RE TOO GOOD TO MISS!!!!; sorry, i just really love them a lot) I've been sustained & filled up by His word--something the world can't offer. I've worshipped Him through songs, dance, giddy jumps & silent moments alone in my room with a wide smile on my face. I've run to Him in loneliness, confusion, doubt & despair. Every single time He met me with kindness, perspective, love & truth. 

 I get to know King Jesus, the One who holds all the stars & my heart at the same time. I get to live with brothers & sisters who know what it looks like to build one another up in true love. I've gotten a front row seat to the Lord equipping His kids, and i wouldn't trade it for anything.

I've gotten to really know what it means to deny myself, pick up my cross & follow Him. The road may be long, but it's glorious in the end. 

so when i look back on that moment in the early days of september when i said "they say team leading is hard" i didn't realize that 'they' were so right.  it's devastatingly challenging,  but i'm here to say that it's worth it. Following Jesus is worth it. 

lots of love 

- M