He’s in the Waiting

before i start, let me give you some updates:: 

– I’m at about 30% of my goal (big praise!) and fundraising has been going really well.

– My latest fundraiser consisted of buying, filling, and hiding over 700 easter eggs for the little ones in my community. Thankfully my brother and sister helped me hide them all weekend so i was able to hide them quickly. This was a really good fundrasier and i’m so thankful for everyone who ordered some eggs and supported me!!

– Spring break 2020 was full of family, rest, and so many true crime shows (i’m a total crime junkie btw :)) And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

Even though we’re home all of the time, life is life and it can still be super stressful/ exausting. I have so much to be anxious about:: graduation, prom, seeing my friends again, family dynamic, fundraising, and what feels like a billion other things on my mind. Sometimes I genuinly wonder where God is and why he’s making me go through this. When I was younger I used to think of God as a big man who just sits on His throne and gets mad when i did bad things. I thought that when i fell or screwed up or was  ANGRY (

It started on Good Friday when I was talking with a friend about how heavy the day was for me. It just felt different. I felt so close to my savior and tried so hard to “understand” His pain. My friend (shoutout to T) said this “Since Jesus was fully human, we know that He felt all of the emotions we feel, to the full extent”. And that hit me so hard. When Jesus was in the garden knowing that He was about to endure the cross and the utmost seperation from His Father, he was in pain. He was in such a deep anguish that he was dripping sweat that felt like drops of blood. He felt what I feel all the time (but on a much smaller scale).

See, whenever i’m confused, angry, anxious, or just so fearful of the future, I can know that I’m not alone. The Lord is right here with me. He’s not just up on top of the clouds waiting to throw another boulder at me (I had a vivid imagination as a kid hehe :-)) He’s with me in the pain, in the suffering, in the waiting. He felt everything that i can feel. He took on that pain. The days that I wonder just where I’m gonna end up, or when I’m waiting for my next big steps, I can know that the Lord is so close to me. He’s enduring all of these things with me. 

So if you’re feeling angry or anxious or just so lonely, know that you’re not alone. The God of the universe stepped down from Glory, took on the form of man, and took on our pain. Know that we can trust Him!! We can trust that nothing is too big or too painful for Him. We can trust His goodness. We can trust that He’ll remain near to us. But most importantly we can trust that He will be faithful in all of our waiting.