okay real talk. there are things in this world that can be scary. i’ll admit it, i’m scared to go to the middle east soon. I’m scared of rejection, failure, seeing hard things & not being able to change them. I’m scared of my friends getting hurt, i’m scared of division, and i’m a bit scared of never seeing my family again.
There’s a story that a mentor told us once about the disciples. It’s found in Matthew 15 & 16. It’s when Jesus performed the miracle of feeding the 5,000, & he fed 4,000 more later on. Then Jesus & His disciples were going to go across a lake to preach to others.
Matthew 16:5 says “When they went across the lake, the disciples forgot to take bread”
The same bread that Jesus just performed a miracle with. They saw before their own eyes the power & glory of Jesus. The disciples were then in a predicament. When the wind & the waves began to shake the boat, they forgot. They were scared too. They were on the mountain & saw, then got in the boat & forgot. If only they brought the remnants of their bread, they’d remember God & their fears would cease.
I think in the same way, the Lord is calling us to remember our bread. To remember what He’s done in our lives. To remember the miracles He’s performed, hearts that He’s healed & chains that He’s broken.
So then when i have the thoughts again of doubt & failure, I remember to whom i belong. Jehovah Jireh.
I remember the moment that i wept into my friend Kaylin’s arms in a laundry room in Costa Rica, because i doubted i’d be able to meet fundraising deadlines.
& I remember when i got a $2,500 donation from a family friend when i landed in the US.
I remember when i got in a fight with my brother before i left for this trip, thinking that our relationship would never be back to how it was when we were kids.
& I remember when he called me a few days ago “just to check in & tell you i love you”.
I remember when i first signed up for the race, i hadn’t told my parents yet, let alone think about gear.
& i remember a woman on facebook selling her pack for a good price. The Lord told me to reach out so i did & she sent it to me for free, only asking that i give her the link to my blog. she still gets them today.
I remember struggling so hard to love a girl on my team in Guatemala, thinking we’d never be friends.
& i remember looking at her with tears in my eyes after she shared something vulnerable, and i had the thought “i genuinely love you”
I remember one of the hardest nights of my life last November. Crying before the Lord saying “God if you’re real, then show up. & if you don’t i’m calling my mom, packing my tent & walking away”
& i remember Him whispering Isaiah 43. which defeated every single lie in my head, one by one. “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, i will be with you”
& i remember staying.
So, friend. When we’re caught up in the wind & waves & reeds of life, may we remember our bread. May we remember the Peace of God that surpasses all of our human understanding. May we remember what He did on the mountain. May we remember how He changed our lives.
May we remember Him.
– M
dude. you had me at bread & then every word after !
wow i love you & am so so proud of you !
like actually really
Ah, those disciples. How quickly they would forget, how much more so do I! I actually had just a very similar conversation last week, Marissa. My mom and I spend a lengthly conversation recalling God’s faithfulness – the bread He has provided – in a particular situation over the past several months. We had both briefly spiraled into self-sufficiency, anxiety, whining, wondering, faithlessness about the future. But praise God, our lack of focus on Jesus didn’t last long….and we remembered, much in the same way you have done here. And if we really think about it, recounting God’s faithfulness to each of us would be endless, truly endless.