a letter to my old self

as a white woman, who comes from a white family, who attends a predominantly white school & white church, you are privileged. Not that you never struggled or that you never had to fight for a place at the table, but that the color of your skin didn’t put you there. You are not called to walk in shame and hurt for how your past self lived her life, but you are called to walk in conviction and refinement. 

You see, Jesus loves all of His children and is interested in how we love each other. You have the opportunity to bring that love and reconciliation into your community. But first you must acknowledge that your black brothers and sisters haven’t always felt love and reconciliation from you, from the church. There’s a dark history that drives a wedge between races and for so long the church ignored it. We must recognize that black lives in fact do matter to Jesus, and they should matter to us too. We thought that we only had to be good with God in order to live a full life… but He calls us to so much more. He commands us to love him AND to love our neighbor. not one or the other. We must sacrifice our pride & agenda & feelings & who we voted for & the differences in the color of our skin in order to walk in that love. 

Marissa, the time of ignoring the cry’s and pains of the people you are called to love is over. You cannot be complacent in your privilege any longer. It’s not your fault that you have those privileges, but are you going to continue to operate in your whiteness and the benefits of it? or are you going to look to give it away? the false gospel will tell you to not get involved in social justice + to just preach the gospel…. BUT THAT’S NOT THE GOSPEL!! THAT’S NOT RECONCILIATION! if you call yourself a Christ follower and that you love Him and you love people, you must love justice & mercy too, because this is what you have given your life away to. 

And dear Marissa, if the world doesn’t like this, if they don’t want reconciliation, if they’re angry at you for stepping out and saying “hey our black friends are hurting and that’s not okay” if they want to hate, fine. You are not of this world, you are of Heaven. When you walk away from culture you WILL experience rejection and oppression, that’s why your identity in Christ matters! Walk in the authority that your Father has called you into. Call out the evil and speak in truth and love. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Forgive them, even if they’ve hurt you. This is not a one-time-reconciliation-thing. For you are a minister of reconciliation. You will teach your children & their children & their children to care about people who are hurting. To care about black lives. To love God and love people, this is what you are made for.